the only thing multiplying in russia is excuses and widows, not babies, and ukraine’s birth rate is so low even the storks are filing for unemployment. welcome to the broken future, where the only thing growing is the list of reasons not to have kids.
global baby bust: not your grandma’s problem
everybody’s talking about the “demographic crisis” like it’s some sci-fi apocalypse, but the real story is way dumber. hospitals are open, people live longer, but birth rates are nosediving from tokyo to turin. the only thing multiplying is think pieces about “the end of civilization,” and russia’s population chart looks like a ski slope after a bad winter.
used to be, poor folks had more kids. now? flip it. in sweden, norway, the netherlands, and italy, the rich are the new baby boomers. if you’re broke, you’re more likely to have a cat and a therapist than a kid. the old “the poor breed like rabbits” line is as dead as russia’s three-day kyiv plan.
having kids is expensive as hell, and nobody wants to raise a kid in a shoebox with a landlord who thinks mold is a feature. daycare, schools, even legos cost more than your dignity. in the us, uk, germany, australia, it’s the same story: more money, more babies. the “poor have more kids” rule is as outdated as a lada with a working radio.
education, vibes, and the price of a future
everyone loves blaming “educated women” for the baby drought, but the numbers don’t back it up. yeah, women with more education wait longer to have kids, but the real drop is everywhere. it’s not just about chasing diplomas, it’s about whether you can actually afford a kid, or even want to bring one into a world that feels like it’s always one news cycle away from meltdown.
taiwan is the final boss of low birth rates. in 2025, it overtook south korea for the world’s lowest fertility rate. tsmc, the chip giant, employs 0.3% of the island but is responsible for almost 2% of all births. every 50th baby in taiwan has a parent at tsmc. apparently, if you want babies, build a semiconductor monopoly and pay your workers enough for a kid and a playstation.
turning off the baby tap is way easier than turning it back on
ukraine: black comedy in a war zone
ukraine’s been living the demographic nightmare since before it was cool. population peaked at over 52 million in 1993, and it’s been downhill ever since. the war didn’t start the fire, it just poured gasoline on it. average marriage age is pushing 30, and when your choices are “raise a kid” or “dodge missiles,” most people pick “wait and see.”
the numbers are grim enough to make a z blogger cry into his stolen washing machine. since 1991, deaths have outnumbered births every single year. in some regions, it’s two deaths for every birth, and that’s the best case. in kyiv, deaths are up 11% this year. the only thing growing faster than graveyards is the list of excuses from politicians.
it’s not just war or money. it’s late marriages, expensive housing, unstable jobs, and a general vibe that the future is as certain as a russian ceasefire. people don’t have kids when they feel alone, broke, or like the world’s about to collapse. they have kids when they feel safe, supported, and like there’s a point to it all. in ukraine, that feeling is rarer than a working russian tank.
community, not cash, makes babies
it’s not just about throwing money at the problem. in places like volyn, big protestant families aren’t just popping out kids because the bible says so. it’s about community, support, and knowing you’re not going to be left alone with a screaming toddler and no help. people have kids when they know someone’s got their back. when you feel like you’re on your own, you start thinking maybe a dog is enough responsibility for now.
remember when everyone was terrified of overpopulation? governments were handing out fines for too many kids, sterilizing people, running “one child” campaigns. now the panic is flipped: what if there aren’t enough people? once people get used to smaller families, good luck convincing them to go back. you can throw all the “baby bonuses” you want, but if people don’t feel secure, connected, and hopeful, they’re not signing up for parenthood.
in ukraine, people with a house, a yard, and a bit of stability are more likely to have kids. maybe the answer isn’t cramming everyone into overpriced city apartments, but building real communities around cities. but that takes infrastructure, money, and a government that isn’t too busy looting the treasury or running from drone strikes.
brain drain and russian cope olympics
every time a young ukrainian leaves for poland, germany, or canada, that’s one less potential parent. the war’s made it worse. the best and brightest are getting out, and the only thing the regime exports faster than grain is its own people. you can’t build a future if everyone who could build it is already gone.
meanwhile, russian propaganda loves to gloat about “traditional values” and “big families,” but their own numbers are tanking even faster. the only thing multiplying in russia is the number of widows and orphans, courtesy of their “special military operation.” the kremlin can’t even keep its own population from running for the border, but sure, tell me again how the west is dying out. at least in ukraine, people aren’t being conscripted straight from the maternity ward.
the world’s not having kids because the future looks busted, expensive, and lonely. ukraine’s not having kids because it’s living through a war, an economic crisis, and a brain drain that would make even the kremlin jealous. the old rules don’t work anymore. if you want people to have kids, give them a reason to believe in tomorrow. give them a community, a bit of security, and maybe a shot at a life that doesn’t feel like a bad rerun of 2022.
until then, the only thing getting delivered on time is the next round of excuses. and trust me, nobody’s buying them, except maybe the same guys who think a lada that starts is a sign of national greatness.
russian tv: we are winning the demographic war. russian reality: the only thing multiplying is the number of guys sprinting for the border with a backpack and a one-way ticket.