liman’s back in the blender, donetsk miners are done being coal peasants, another russian general just rage quit life, and trump’s out here talking nukes like hes ordering off a secret menu. welcome to day 1665 of “how is this still going,” starring the world’s most dysfunctional empire and its all-star cast of bootlickers, grifters, and guys who think indoor plumbing is a western psyop.
liman: the town that wont die, but russia keeps trying
nothing screams “second army of the world” like losing the same town twice in two years. ukrainian forces are pushing, and the russian telegram petting zoo is already in full cope meltdown. “tactical withdrawal,” they say, which is vatnik for “we left so fast we forgot the bodies.” every time ukraine moves, the maps on russian tv get more creative. next week liman will be somewhere near vladivostok, just to keep the vibes up.
the z-bloggers are doing their usual olympics: one minute its “we’re holding the line,” next its “the line was a western psyop anyway.” at this point, the only thing advancing on the russian side is the number of excuses. the only thing they’re holding is a grudge against reality.
every russian victory gets announced from a town 600 km from the town they actually lost. those maps are doing serious cardio.
donetsk miners: liberation means work for free
meanwhile in donetsk, the miners finally figured out “liberation” means digging coal for free while the local warlord buys a new mercedes. theres a full-on mutiny brewing, and its not about more rubles, its about getting paid at all. imagine busting your back for a regime that cant even afford to pay you, while the tv tells you you’re part of some glorious rebirth. the only thing being reborn is the soviet tradition of not paying workers and calling it patriotism.
the kremlin’s answer? send in fsb goons, arrest a few ringleaders, and hope the rest crawl back underground. spoiler: they will, but not for the reasons moscow wants. you can only gaslight people for so long before the gas is gone and the lights are out.
- miners work for months with no pay
- local bosses get rich, buy luxury cars
- fsb arrests protest leaders, tries to scare the rest
generals: collect em all before theyre gone
another day, another dead russian general. i’ve lost count, honestly. at this point, russian generals are like limited edition funko pops—collect em all before they’re gone. every time one of these guys clocks out, the propaganda machine spins up the “heroic sacrifice” line, but the real story is always dumber. usually its “he was inspecting the front” (translation: he was trying to find a working toilet and caught a himars instead).
the army’s running out of officers faster than they can promote new ones, so now you’ve got guys who were traffic cops last year commanding battalions. no wonder the only thing moving forward is the casualty list. the turnover rate is insane, and the officer corps is gutted. conscripts led by dudes who learned tactics from call of duty, facing an enemy that actually knows what its doing. the result: more body bags, more lost ground, more desperate cope.
trump: nukes as a punchline, kremlin tv as a laugh track
then there’s trump, treating nuclear war like a punchline. he calls it “n-rhetoric” and “nukler,” which is about as serious as his foreign policy gets. the kremlin loves this shit. every time trump opens his mouth, russian state tv gets a week’s worth of content. “look, the americans are scared of us!” they crow, while their own army is crowdfunding for socks.
trump’s latest bit is promising ukraine some missile licenses, but only after he gets a photo op with erdogan and a few more campaign donations. his team floats “peace plans” that sound suspiciously like “let russia keep what it stole and call it even.” the only people taking this seriously are the same ones who think putin’s going to liberate alaska next.
- trump talks nukes, kremlin tv celebrates
- “peace plans” = surrender with extra steps
- only the terminally online think putin is getting alaska
the big picture: four years of losing with style
lets zoom out. the war’s been going for over four years, and russia’s big moves are: threaten nukes, lose towns, arrest miners, and announce dead generals. the economy’s in the toilet, the army’s running on fumes, and the only thing keeping the regime afloat is a mix of fear, inertia, and the world’s most dedicated tv audience. every time the west talks about sanctions or more weapons for ukraine, the kremlin threatens world war iii, then quietly asks china for another loan.
the nuclear blackmail is just noise now—everyone knows if putin was going to push the button, he’d have done it back when his troops were running from kyiv in their underwear. the propaganda is getting lazier. they’re recycling old lines about “nato encirclement” and “ukrainian nazis,” even as they negotiate with a country run by a jewish president. the z-bloggers are out of ways to spin defeat as victory, so now its all about “strategic patience” and “luring the enemy in.” translation: we’re getting our asses kicked but if we wait long enough maybe the west will get bored.
donetsk miners: the regime’s canary in the coal mine
the donetsk miners’ revolt is a perfect snapshot of the whole mess. regular people bought into the kremlin’s fairy tales about “liberation” and “russian world,” only to find out it means working for nothing while the local bosses get rich. when they protest, they get arrested or worse. but the cracks are showing. the regime’s answer is always more repression, more lies, more empty promises. it worked in the 90s, it worked in the 2000s, but now? even the babushkas are starting to ask where the pensions went.
when the people you claim to be liberating start rebelling, you’ve lost the plot. the regime can arrest a few, but they can’t arrest everyone. sooner or later, the whole rotten system comes crashing down. the generals know it, the soldiers know it, even the babushkas know it. the only ones who don’t are the guys on tv, and even they’re starting to sound nervous.
generals: the only thing moving is the casualty list
every time a general dies, the kremlin acts like it’s a state secret, then leaks just enough to make it look heroic. but the truth is, the officer corps is gutted. you’ve got conscripts led by guys who learned tactics from call of duty, facing an enemy that actually knows what it’s doing. the result is predictable: more body bags, more lost ground, more desperate propaganda. the only thing russia’s winning is the race to see how fast you can burn through a generation for nothing.
- generals die, kremlin spins hero stories
- new officers promoted from traffic cops and cronies
- casualty list is the only thing advancing
trump: comic relief for a collapsing empire
trump’s role in all this is just comic relief at this point. he talks tough, but his actual policy is “let’s make a deal,” as if you can negotiate with a regime that lies about everything, including the weather. his team floats “peace plans” that are just surrender with extra steps. the kremlin loves it, because it gives them hope the west will blink first. but the reality is, even if trump gets back in, the facts on the ground won’t change. ukraine’s not giving up, russia’s not winning, and the rest of the world is tired of the drama.
nuclear blackmail: toddler tantrum edition
lets talk nukes for a sec. every time things go bad for russia, out come the nukes. “we might use them! dont push us!” its like a toddler threatening to hold his breath until he gets candy. nobodys buying it anymore. the real threat isnt nukes, its that russia will try something stupid in the baltics or somewhere else, just to see if nato blinks. but even thats looking less likely, because the army can barely hold the line in donetsk, let alone open a new front. the only thing they’re invading these days is their own supply depots, looking for food that isn’t expired.
the russian economy: exporting people, importing poverty
the economy? dont even get me started. sanctions are biting, but the real killer is the brain drain. russia’s top export isn’t oil or gas, it’s people running for the border with whatever they can carry. the ones left behind are either too old, too poor, or too brainwashed to leave. the regime keeps promising a bright future, but all anyone sees is more poverty, more repression, and more funerals. the only thing growing is the list of banned words and the price of potatoes.
- sanctions biting, but brain drain is worse
- regime promises a bright future, delivers poverty
- top export: people sprinting for the border
the west: finally getting its shit together
meanwhile, the west is finally getting its act together. more weapons, more sanctions, more pressure. the kremlin keeps hoping for a split, but every time they try to play one country off another, they end up looking weaker. even the countries that used to be friendly are keeping their distance. china’s happy to buy cheap oil, but they’re not sending tanks. iran’s got its own problems. the only real friends russia has left are north korea and a few african warlords, and even they want cash up front.
liman again: the art of losing, perfected
back to liman. the ukrainian advance there is just the latest in a long line of russian failures. every time they lose a town, the propaganda machine goes into overdrive. “it was never important! we’re regrouping! the real battle is elsewhere!” but the soldiers know the truth. they’re outgunned, outnumbered, and out of hope. the only thing keeping them in the fight is fear of what happens if they run. the officers are just as scared, which is why so many of them end up dead—either from enemy fire or from their own troops deciding they’ve had enough.
the punchline: losing with style
day 1665, and the only thing russia’s advancing is the art of losing with style. the miners are done, the generals are gone, and trump’s still trying to pronounce “nuclear.” the propaganda’s running on empty, and the only thing left is the punchline. spoiler: it’s not going to be russia.
imagine being so free that the bravest thing you do all year is repost the state and pray nobody asks where your son went.