russian misery is like a greatest hits album, except every track is just a remix of "its fine, we swear." day 1668 and the only thing under control is the panic dial on kremlin tv. us got putin boxed in tighter than a lada trunk, gas prices are breaking records (not the good kind), and missiles are flying into russia like its open mic night for ukrainian drones. three more russian aircraft just got turned into spare parts. but sure, everything is normal, just ignore the smoke.
sanctions, embargoes, and the pressure cooker
the west has been tightening the screws on putin so long hes basically a pressure cooker with a busted gasket. sanctions are still biting, tech embargoes are a chokehold, and "import substitution" is just russian for "we cant make shit that works." every time the regime tries to flex, they end up showing off how much they rely on the same "decadent west" they claim to hate.
the only thing more american in russia than mcdonalds used to be is the microchips in their "unstoppable" kinzhal missiles. spoiler: theyre very stoppable. every kremlin flex is just a reminder that the empire runs on scavenged parts and wishful thinking.
the only thing getting denazified is the russian air forces flight roster
the russian economy: burning oil depot edition
while the kremlin is busy pretending its 1945, the russian economy is doing its best impression of a burning oil depot. gas prices are through the roof, ai-95 is missing from over half the gas stations in big cities, ai-92 is vanishing too, and the only thing more empty than the tanks is the regimes promises. businesses are folding, restaurants closing, transport companies parking their fleets and firing people.
but yeah, keep telling us about the "rising from its knees" miracle. at this rate, the only thing rising is the unemployment line and the price of a liter. the ruble is in freefall, and the only thing getting pumped is state tvs cope.
ukraine hits back, and the regime cant hide it
ukraine isnt just sitting around, theyre hitting back everywhere. russian airfields are getting lit up, three planes and a helicopter just got deleted, and oil refineries from tatarstan to krasnodar are catching more drone visits than a moscow influencer. every time a z blogger posts about "total control," another warehouse or refinery goes up in smoke.
the regime cant even hide it anymore. satellite pics, local videos, even their own bloggers are forced to admit "something exploded, but its fine, just a minor inconvenience." yeah, tell that to the pilots who now need a bus pass. nothing says superpower like losing more hardware than you can loot.
- airfields hit
- planes and helicopters destroyed
- oil refineries and warehouses torched
- z bloggers forced to admit reality
democracy, but make it necromancy
lets not forget the home front. russia is holding another one of those "elections" where the only thing less real than the candidates is the vote count. in altai, election officials are stuffing the home voting lists like its black friday at the ballot box. activists are cold-calling people to check if theyre even alive, because in russia, you can vote from the grave as long as you pick the right guy.
democracy, but make it necromancy. the regime cant win a real vote, so they just invent new voters. the only thing more inflated than the turnout numbers is the kremlins ego.
precision strikes and backyard fires
russian missiles keep raining down on ukrainian cities, killing civilians, torching warehouses, and blowing up infrastructure. the regime calls it "precision strikes," but the only thing precise is their ability to hit anything except military targets. ukraine, on the other hand, is getting better at sending gifts back across the border, and nothing is safe.
oil refineries, airfields, military depots, all catching fire. the message is clear: you cant bomb your way to victory when your own backyard is on fire. every russian "victory" gets announced from a town 600 km from the town they actually lost.
so here we are, 1668 days in, and the kremlins still playing the same broken record. "were winning, the west is collapsing, ukraine is finished." meanwhile, the only thing getting denazified is the air force, the only thing rising is the price of gas, and the only thing under control is the volume knob on state tv.
but hey, as long as theres a guy with a toilet in his yard to call the rest of us uncivilized, i guess russia still has its dignity. or whatever is left of it after 1668 days of this circus.