day 1665 and the circus is in town, but the clowns are running the tent, the animals are on strike, and the popcorn machine’s on fire. ukraine’s pushing near lyman, donetsk miners are done being props, another russian general just clocked out, and trump’s out here talking nukes like hes pitching a new soda flavor. welcome to another episode of “how not to run an empire,” starring washed-up strongmen, american real estate moguls, and a supporting cast of miners who’d rather be anywhere else.
front line: the only real movement
ukrainian forces are pressing near lyman again, and every time the z bloggers say “the situation is under control,” you know it’s about to get spicy. the russian army’s idea of defense is stacking conscripts like sandbags and hoping the drone batteries die before the vodka does. the “second army of the world” is now mostly famous for losing tanks to tractors and generals to heart attacks.
another russian general just bit the dust, cause of death: “sudden ukrainian lead poisoning,” probably. at this point, the general staff meetings must look like musical chairs, except the music is air raid sirens and the chairs are all booby-trapped. every russian victory gets announced from a town 600 km from the one they actually lost, and those maps are doing serious cardio.
the only thing more consistent than russian losses is the kremlin’s ability to deny them. they claim to have taken kostyantynivka, but the ukrainian general staff posts a selfie from the city center and the z bloggers go into meltdown mode. the russian army’s main export is excuses, and the only thing they import is body bags.
donetsk miners: from poster boys to props
meanwhile, back in donetsk, the miners are finally realizing that “liberation” means working for free while the local warlord buys a new mercedes. the revolt isn’t just about wages, it’s about being sent to dig trenches instead of coal, and getting paid in ious and empty promises. the kremlin’s answer? send in riot cops and blame “ukrainian saboteurs.” classic.
these guys have been propping up the local economy for decades, and now they’re treated like disposable npcs in putin’s open-world disaster simulator. the only thing more dangerous than a donetsk miner with a pickaxe is a donetsk miner with nothing left to lose. if you want to know how bad things are, just look at the telegram channels: half the posts are “glory to the miners,” the other half are “please don’t riot, we love you, here’s a coupon for bread.”
the regime promised them “protection,” but all they got was conscription papers and a front-row seat to the collapse of their own industry. when the miners protest, the kremlin calls it “provocation.” when they strike, it’s “foreign interference.” when they riot, it’s “nato sabotage.” at some point, even the most loyal vatnik starts to wonder if maybe, just maybe, the problem isn’t the cia, but the fact that the only thing the regime invests in is propaganda and police batons.
international clown car: trump’s nuclear weather report
trump’s back on the scene, and he’s got thoughts. nuclear thoughts. or as he calls it, “n-rhetoric.” the man talks about nukes the way most people talk about the weather, vaguely, loudly, and with zero understanding of the science. he’s out here promising “deals” and “compromises,” which in trump-speak means “let’s give putin whatever he wants and call it peace.”
his son-in-law jared kushner is on zoom from his undisclosed bunker, telling everyone that “putin wants peace” and the only problem is ukraine not wanting to hand over donbas like it’s a timeshare in florida. the audience in kyiv laughed so hard you could hear it in moscow, but the kremlin still clipped the speech for russian tv and called it “american support.” you can’t make this up.
while trump’s busy playing nuclear footsie and promising patriot missile licenses like he’s handing out halloween candy, the actual us government is prepping investigations for the day he tries to pull this nonsense from the oval office again. the democrats are sharpening subpoenas, the republicans are split between “let’s appease russia” and “let’s not get caught on tape,” and the only thing everyone agrees on is that nobody wants to be the guy who let putin get away with murder on live tv. meanwhile, the kremlin’s un rep is quoting jd vance and ranting about “european hysteria” infecting trump with russophobia. bro, if trump’s your last hope, you’re already bankrupt.
russian economy: lada in january, brain drain express
the russian economy is doing its best impression of a lada in january: it technically runs, but don’t ask how. sanctions didn’t collapse the place overnight, but they turned “import substitution” into a meme and “made in russia” into a punchline. the regime’s solution? more subsidies for oligarchs, less food for everyone else.
inflation’s through the roof, the ruble’s worth less than a donetsk miner’s paycheck, and the only thing growing is the list of banned imports. the kremlin keeps promising “breakthroughs,” but the only thing breaking through is the smell from the trash piles in moscow. every empire that exports mostly its own people running away is not exactly winning.
the smartest russians have already left or are planning their exit. every new wave of mobilization sends another batch of it guys to tbilisi, yerevan, or wherever the next cheap flight lands. the only people left are the ones too old, too poor, or too brainwashed to leave. the future of russia is a telegram channel run by a guy with a toilet in his yard, ranting about western decadence while his own roof leaks.
nuclear blackmail and the propaganda rinse cycle
let’s not forget the nuclear blackmail, because that’s the regime’s favorite party trick. every time things go sideways, putin threatens to nuke something, ukraine, nato, the moon, whatever. the rest of the world rolls its eyes, but the z bloggers eat it up like it’s gospel. the reality? russia can’t even keep its air defenses running in taganrog, but we’re supposed to believe they’ll push the big red button.
the propaganda machine is still running 24/7, still pumping out the same tired lines. “ukraine is finished.” “the west is collapsing.” “victory is inevitable.” meanwhile, the front line keeps moving the wrong way, the generals keep dying, and the miners keep rioting. the regime launders war crimes through state tv, but the stains keep showing up in un reports. you can’t bleach reality forever, no matter how many times you change the script.
the only thing more radioactive than their threats is the fallout from their own incompetence.
z bloggers: liveblogging their own breakdowns
let’s talk about the z bloggers for a second, because these guys are the real entertainment. every day it’s a new cope: “we’re regrouping,” “it’s a tactical withdrawal,” “the enemy is using forbidden weather.” they treat every ukrainian advance like a personal insult, and every russian retreat like a masterstroke of strategy.
at this point, their channels are just liveblogs of their own nervous breakdowns. the only thing they fear more than himars is running out of followers. they sell you greatness while you crap in a hole in the yard, and the wild part is you clap. insane brand loyalty tbh.
meanwhile, ukraine’s not just holding on, they’re adapting, innovating, and making the most of every western weapon that shows up. the tech boom in ukraine is real, drones, ew, cyber, you name it. every time russia tries to escalate, ukraine finds a way to punch back harder. the regime’s answer? more mobilization, more conscripts, more funerals. the russian dream used to be a lada that starts. now it’s a mobilization notice that never arrives.
the big picture: regime on borrowed time
so what’s the big picture? the regime’s running out of options, out of money, and out of time. the army’s bleeding, the economy’s tanking, the propaganda’s wearing thin, and even the miners are starting to ask questions. the only thing keeping the circus going is inertia and fear.
every time someone tries to talk peace, it’s just another attempt to freeze the lines and call it a win. but ukraine’s not buying it, and neither is anyone else with a brain cell left. trump and his maga crew can talk all they want about “deals” and “compromises,” but the only compromise the kremlin wants is ukraine on a platter.
the miners can riot, the generals can die, the z bloggers can cope, but the facts don’t change: the regime’s losing, and everyone knows it except the people paid not to notice. the only thing left is to point at the clowns, laugh, and keep receipts for the war crimes tribunal.
so yeah, day 1665. ukraine’s pushing, the regime’s cracking, the miners are done being props, and trump’s still trying to sell “peace” like it’s a condo in sochi. the empire’s not just losing the war, it’s losing the plot. and the only thing more pathetic than the excuses is the fact that they think anyone’s still buying them.
russian tv tonight: we glass london by tuesday. russian reality: the unit got wiped by a farmer with a drone and a grudge.