yanukovych reruns are back and its still the same plot: gold toilets, stolen loot, and kremlin goons working overtime to memory-hole the receipts. the only thing that changes is how many villas the guy collects while russia pretends hes just another sad grandpa in exile.
the investigation they tried to bury
telebachennya toronto drops a banger on youtube, blowing the lid off yanukovychs exile life and the mountain of cash hes sitting on. over 1.5 million views in ten days, which is about 1.5 million more than any russian state tv doc about "ukrainian nazis." then poof, the video gets nuked by a copyright strike from vesco group, a real estate agency with a suspiciously fancy mansion in moscow suburbs. nothing screams "innocent" like siccing the dmca on journalists for showing your boss's blurred-out palace.
the kremlin playbook is simple: if you cant kill the story, drown it in paperwork and copyright bullshit. "we got nothing to hide, but also, you cant see this house, these guards, or this pile of cash." russian courts are just a subscription service for the rich, so the regime gets to memory-hole the evidence and act like yanukovych is just another humble pensioner, not a guy who robbed a country and landed in a palace.
the journalists re-upload a censored version, but the full thing lives on telegram, because the internet always finds a way. russian justice is basically a vending machine for oligarchs, and the only thing more rigged than the courts is the youtube copyright filter.
the yanukovych family soap opera
after the 2014 escape, rumors about yanukovych flew faster than a wagner drone: hes in rostov, hes in sochi, hes dead, hes got a new son, hes hiding under putins desk. reality check: the dudes living large in russia, with a new mansion, a fat bank account, and state security guards who probably have to google "ethics" on their lunch break.
his ex-wife lyudmyla scored a three-story villa in yalta as a "gift" from putin, but apparently it was too tacky for her taste. imagine being so rich off stolen money that you can turn down a palace because its "too much." must be tough. meanwhile, the family tree is a tangle of ex-wives, mistresses, stepdaughters, and sons hiding behind animal avatars on vkontakte, all living under new names, with new passports, and enough cash to keep the next few generations in caviar and bad taste.
the love triangle subplot is pure trash tv. yanukovych didnt flee with his wife, but with his longtime mistress, lyubov polyzhay. her face first pops up on security cameras the night of the escape, and her portrait was found in the infamous mezhyhirya estate after yanukovych bolted. the whole clan is untouchable in russia, sitting on stolen ukrainian assets while the kremlin pretends theyre just another group of "political refugees."
sanctions, what sanctions?
sanctions cant touch the yanukovych clan in russia. the kremlin protects its own, launders their crimes, and buries the evidence under a mountain of paperwork and propaganda. his stepdaughter maria is apparently worried that "this will end badly someday," which is the closest thing to self-awareness youll get from a family whose biggest problem is picking which mansion to sulk in.
the regime acts like loyalty is a get-out-of-jail-free card, but only if youre already rich, already crooked, and already in the club. everyone else gets a draft notice and a ration card. the ex-president who sold out his country gets a palace and a security detail, while the average russian gets to play mobilization roulette and hope they dont wake up in a trench in donbas.
the only thing more pathetic than the spectacle is how predictable it all is.
russia eats itself while the crooks feast
meanwhile, back in russia, the war yanukovych helped set in motion is eating the country alive. theres no safe rear anymore, missile strikes hit omsk, perm, ufa, volgograd, even a warehouse near tver and a fancy restaurant in moscow. the myth of "peaceful life outside politics" is dead. gas stations have rationing, online orders burn up with the warehouses, and the only thing growing faster than the casualty list is the list of excuses on state tv.
mobilization is a roulette wheel: maybe you get called up, maybe you dont, maybe you just disappear one night and wake up in a trench. the regime doesnt ask, it just takes. the only thing the system guarantees is that the top crooks get richer and everyone else gets poorer, hungrier, and more expendable.
- missile strikes in russian cities: omsk, perm, ufa, volgograd, tver, moscow
- gas rationing, warehouse fires, online orders burning up
- casualty lists and excuses on state tv growing by the day
the lesson: steal big, run fast, hide behind the law
the yanukovych saga is a perfect snapshot of russian power: steal big, run fast, hide behind the law, and let the little people eat dirt. the regime protects its own, launders their crimes, and buries the evidence under a mountain of paperwork and propaganda. the only thing more rigged than the system is the youtube copyright filter.
for everyone else, just keep scrolling, comrade. the real secrets are always just out of frame, and the only thing more rigged than the system is the youtube copyright filter. the exiles get palaces, the peasants get ration cards, and the kremlin gets to pretend its all normal.
russian justice: now with extra copyright.